he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
