i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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