I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
