I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize