Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
