She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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