i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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