3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Randomize
