This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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