You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
