Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
