flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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