Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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