Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
