K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
