The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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