just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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