it was like his penis was on wheels.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Randomize
