Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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