please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
