it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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