I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
