Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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