I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
