we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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