Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
