Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
