are you still at the devil's house?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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