so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
