I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
