I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
