Pappa wants mamma naked
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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