i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
