I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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