So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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