never play flip cup with pint glasses
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize