my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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