I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
