Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
