you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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