She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Who died my cat blue again?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
