The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
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