walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
i now understand why vodka
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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