I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Someone came in the potted fern
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
