cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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