He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
What a dumb baby whore.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Is Oprah even human
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
