Where is the hickey?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
