So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
