lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
he thought i was a dude.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize
