he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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