We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize