I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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