I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Less talking, more tequila
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
