I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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