Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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