there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
