hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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