Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
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