idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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