bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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