I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
