omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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