Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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