Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
