Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
being pregnant is like rehab
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
