Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
