I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
