and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Randomize
