You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
vagina is talking i cant
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
